You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
