Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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