WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
