I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
