I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
