Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
