There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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