My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize