she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
