Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
