Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
