Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
