the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
