Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
