A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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