In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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