I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
