So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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