Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
