Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
