Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
