get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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