just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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