can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
