Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
