u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
