Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
