she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I forget how to act sober
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
