she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
