I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Help. Why am I so naked?
The ass gains better be worth it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
