It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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