I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
