I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
