The brown eye won't let me do that either.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
