people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There's even glitter on my cock...
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