I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
