Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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