Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
