my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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