If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize