Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She needs sedatives and a leash
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
