At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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