I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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