there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
