So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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