I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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