is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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