Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I came so hard my ears popped.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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