Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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