Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
