I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
