You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
