It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
