You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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