5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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