I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
