Having a random hookup so left but love u
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
