Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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