What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
