Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
