It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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