I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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