i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize