I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize