Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
