I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
