Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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