YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
